Why I don’t “Respect pronouns”


Ok, I admit it, I am one of those people who actually prefer “they/theirs” over “he/his” or “she/hers”. I’ve felt like that for a very long time, and I can’t quite discern why. I very much believe that male is male thus “he”, and that female is female thus “she”, but when speaking about most people I find myself gravitating toward the “gender neutral”. This may or may not be problematic and clashing with some of my other thoughts- Like how I believe that male violence must be named, and female centric issues must be named as such thus HE killed , HE raped, HE etc. and HER reproductive rights.  I wouldn’t extend “they/their” to mask male violence or deny female reality, yet I will casually use it. I mean does it matter that he turned in a paper or that she turned in a paper? They turned in a paper and I don’t care. In most cases I find pronouns pretty irrelevant. 


 I get accused of “misgendering” a lot, in that I’m not respecting someone’s chosen pronoun, rather, I’m using their pronoun to distinguish sex (which in fact is using the pronoun properly.). This is generally occurring in conversations where biological sex is the topic, or when M2T people are being misogynist, making threats etc. Of course I’m going to use “he” in these conversations.  If you are a respectable person they/them are almost automatic. While I’m not going to have the INCORRECT pronoun forced in my mouth, my goal isn’t to strike a nerve. If “he” is hurtful or if “she” is hurtful and you’re a friend, or someone who isn’t an asshole then I avoid using them. However I’m not, nor should I or anyone, actually be expected to lie to appease another’s feelings. When we (gender critical folk) are accused of “misgendering” what we are actually doing is telling the truth.  “He” and “she” denote sex, lets be honest about that and sex is immutable.


Lets not even get into any of that ^. Because that’s just silly. I can’t even say these made up pronouns without smirking. It’s ridiculous. I understand many of you want to “smash the binary” but applying made up words to yourself isn’t going to make that happen, lying about your sex isn’t going to make that happen, Ignoring reality isn’t going to make that happen. What we would need for that to  happen in reality would be more intersex births and more acknowledgment of a true biologically based third sex. Until then, why humor snowflakes?  maybe I am an asshole, but you’re not revolutionary, you’re just annoying.




Exclusion isn’t a Negative Thing.

With the release of the names and participants of the people who signed the anti-female and anti-lesbian petition to mandate inclusion of M2T individuals into Michfest, it’s spawned a lot of conversations about the nature of exclusion. The GLBTQ community has such a knee-jerk reaction to the concept of exclusion, which is unfortunate because it misses the point. Where they see discrimination others see liberation and a moment to breathe.Thankfully many activist still understand the importance of having  spaces to one’s self. Unfortunately their voices are most often drowned out by the hive mind.  But however have we all moved forward if not by being able to establish and maintain ourselves? This is something that must be retained, it’s 2014 and no one is out of the woods yet. Racism, Misogyny, homophobia, it’s all still alive and well, and everyone in these groups have, or are now expected to have their oppressor looking over their shoulder at every movement. Why? What good does this presence have on the oppressed other than to stifle the potential of ideas because of fear? 

  While I’m not female, nor am I a person of color, I am gay, and there is something special about the energy of just gay men meeting. It’s a time and space for us to exchange, share etc. All with a lack of judgement in any context of our homosexuality, which always has to come up among straight men in some fashion,  especially through unwelcomed humor.  We can be free of that, as we can be free of hearing disgusting hetero male fantasies and objectification of women and their bodies. Straight men often go on in detail creating visuals that I trust most gay men do not want. And while I don’t give any type of man a pass on their potential to perpetuate male violence , it often at least feels like that gay men are missing an aggressive macho factor that many men have, and that I personally find intimidating. There is something therapeutic about being among one’s own. There is relief. It’s heartbreaking to see so many of us want to take this away from our lesbian sisters.


 I’m very interested in how one can equate this type of exclusion to the type of exclusion that the oppressors classes have perpetuated since forever. I think the knee-jerk response to “women only”, “gay only”, or “black only” spaces is rooted in liberal logic. Like most progressives  “don’t see color, just see people”. I feel the current GLBTQ movement does not have a political or class analysis, which is something we could benefit from if we weren’t so busy clawing our way to a seat in the patriarchy. We should be working to overthrow it, now work with in it. Right now we are working as it’s left hand. 

Matthew Breen, male supremacist & Head of The Advocate.

Do I have to add commentary? I feel increasingly ashamed to be a part of the GLBT community with our tactics, and disregard for female people, and especially lesbians. From the pseudo science (The gay gene, lady brains) we propagate to the silencing tactics we actively and vigorously engage in as a group. I think it’s fair to say most of this blame should be allotted to the G and how we, undeniably and in typical male fashion, at the forefront of this movement, have totally lost the Plot.

Male supremacy is rampant, all the way up to the higher ranks of gay male activist. I recently had a conversation with Matthew Breen, Editor and Chief at The Advocate magazine, and the deputy Editor at Out Magazine regarding Michfest (I know, men talking about women space is tedious, and I apologize. I  do feel conversations like this must be had though when certain men, like Matthew, are perpetuating a rape culture where women’s boundaries don’t matter and expressing alignment with the oppressors rather than the oppressed. If we who disagree say nothing, we are compliant.). The “gay community” owes women and lesbians a HUGE apology as it stands. Why is Matthew, who is obviously a male supremacist in charge of an organization that is SUPPOSE TO BE standing with lesbians?  

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The Trans Child or The Eugenics of Gay Children


Green’s prospective study of gender-variant boys (1987) followed into adolescence and young adulthood found that 75% of those who could be reassessed had developed a gay or bisexual orientation, and only one was primarily transsexual. Subsequent studies of girls and boys have continued to find that the majority of gender-variant children grow up to have a homosexual or bisexual orientation rather than identify as transsexual (Drummond et al., 2008; Wallien & Cohen-Kettenis, 2008).


I’ve often said that gender, or rather gender expression doesn’t necessarily work in the favor of homosexual individuals. Gay men and lesbians are still regularly harassed and degraded  for exhibiting “signs” that they may be gay, because lets face it, most of the time we aren’t actually out in the streets being gay. We are targeted often because they go off of the notion that we are gay merely because of mannerism, speech patterns or appearance. This is why people all over are assumed to be gay when there is otherwise no reason for such a suspicion.

Many gay men can attest to being effeminate as children, as many lesbians can attest to being considered a tomboy. gays and lesbians just tend to fuck with gender, always have and I’m sure always will. Of course being gay isn’t the only precursor to gender nonconformity nor is it even a certainty, however it often seemingly goes hand in hand.

While gender nonconformity is something I actively encourage in anyone and everyone, there is something especially concerning with what can be termed as modern progressive parenting. I really appreciate some of what that puts forth in terms of child rearing. While I have absolutely no desire for children and am ill equipped to comment on how possible or impossible things like attachment parenting may be for most families, I like the idea of fostering that kind of development and there are many great and nurturing ideas in these styles of parenting.

However there is a disturbing trend now, that many of these parents are taking a interest in their children’s  gender identity. And, as the modern narrative seems to dictate, instead of merely encouraging and reaffirming who they are, they begin to prod with questions. Brain washed and submerged in  the conflation of sex and gender, I’m sure they think they are doing what is best, however research would suggest otherwise. If most of the kids that are gender non-conforming are actually just gay children and the trend is to continuously ask these kids questions like : “Are you a boy or a girl?” or if these children are imaginative, as children are, entertain the notion and humor them when they claim to be the opposite sex, then one has to step back and critically ask: What are you doing?



Puberty blockers are the topic of much controversy as many, including myself, see this as a form of child abuse while others see it as making things easier for transgender individuals by negating the development of secondary sex characteristics. The question that now must be poised though, is that, when most gender non-conforming kids are merely homosexual is the gun not being jumped on offering these kinds of treatments? If this becomes the de facto treatment surely we will see scores of kids who were merely misidentified as being trans, and most of those will be homosexual individuals. Is the trans child the eugenics of gay children?

Also, the poison that is many of these drugs must be accessed. We already know that synthetic hormones are carcinogenic. How can we, as society, as people take this risk with our young to appease our concept that “gender” is innate? That the boy who likes glitter and ballerina dresses is a girl because, of course, only girls would like that. Or that the girl who is out playing in the mud and has an affinity for softball is a boy because, of course, only boys are in to that sort of thing. Gender is not an innate correlation to any sex, we must stop pretending it is. Can we agree that boxes are harmful? Lets stop using them than shall we? We are human.