The conservative reality of it all.

When I was a very little boy I wore dresses, fake nails, make-up (if I could get away with it.) and played with barbies instead of G.I. Joes. My favorite things to watch were “Sleeping Beauty” and “Thumbelina”. I knew what all the other boys were into, and none of it appealed to me. I didn’t want to be rough, I didn’t want to go outside, I didn’t want to get dirty, their dolls were boring and they acted gross.

My ultra-conservative family was concerned, while this wasn’t outright apparent to a child of that age,but when my “girl” cartoons starting suddenly disappearing, when I could hear one parent expressing disapproval to another over what toy was brought home, when more encouragement was mounted on me to do boy things, to be everything I didn’t want to be I knew something was up. One morning, I woke up very early and told myself that I was a boy and that I needed to act like one. While my parents slept I gathered up all of my toys and one by one threw them away. When they woke up I told them that I was a boy and that I knew this and it was time to be one. More “boyish” things came my way and over time, in a kind of survival mode, adapted to this role. It wasn’t a good fit though by any means. The first time I was called “faggot” was when I was in the second grade, then pretty continuously after that. I was a majorly bullied child through out both elementary and middle school.

High school was a more liberating time for me, my family had moved to an area with more diversity and maybe I would fit in a little bit better. I did. I found the theatre kids,. I was beginning to have the freedom to express myself a little more in an friendly environment with these people. There were gay kids there too though, and like our gay neighbors across the street I was disgusted by them. I grew up in a family where I regularly heard things like ” Why do good men have to die in wars? There are prisoners and gay people, why don’t we make those people fight them? they should all be lined up and shot.” So my aversion to gay people  was very much ingrained. I had not correlated yet that I was gay…no matter about daydreaming about male friends/classmates or any of that kind of stuff. I, growing up in this christian conservative household, thought of ways to cure gay people. Why couldn’t they be normal? Why couldn’t thy be just like everyone else? They could be, I thought…working with the typical gay stereotypes of the butch lesbian and the flamboyant gay man  and the idea of the top/bottom dynamic for both sexes I deduced that a sex change operation would do it.  They could even get married then! Honestly, from the mindframe that I had at the time that was a very easy quick fix option that I couldn’t fathom these people wouldn’t look into. Later on my Mother would ask me “Do you think you were meant to be born a girl?” which I remember years later because that question, thanks to a conservative community and society had been something I had given thought to for years. On one hand…yes. It made sense…I liked “girly” things and, like a(hetero) girl, I liked guys. On the other hand, my male biology had never bothered me. No, I didn’t think I was meant to be born a girl, I was born a male and that was obviously what was meant to be because it was what was.

So many gay, lesbian and gender nonconforming youth are pressured from parents and the world around them to think they are actually born in the wrong body. “Progressive” modern parents encourage their children by pandering to their make believe of “being a girl” or “being a boy” despite a blatant reality of what the child actually is.

Personally I feel the parent, being the adult in the situation, has an obligation to allow a child to grow as they are and to accept them for who they are, not who they aren’t. Kids make believe all the time. A child make believing that he or she is something other than what they are is not uncommon, and it can last for a while, this doesn’t make their make believe valid or a reality. It’s make believe. I can’t help but think that If I were born a decade later I may have fallen for all of this bullshit. It’s that pervasive of a narrative these days, and lets not dress it up as “progressive” in any way please. Trans theory is a conservative notion. Lets look abroad to other countries, lets look at the most conservative of countries and how they treat and cure gay people- with a sex change! Because if you are gay…we will kill you unless you conform.

Conservatives don’t mind trans folk. They are conforming…if a person “acting like a girl/woman” or “acting like a boy/man” then by God they are one! Because in Murica (and several other countries.) we know our places.

26 thoughts on “The conservative reality of it all.

  1. So what I’m reading here is that *you* weren’t trans so you reckon *no-one* is and assume that they were pressured into it because you weren’t pressured and you’re not trans. Stellar logic. Well done.

    p.s. I’m not gay and I never played with dolls so… um… QED gay isn’t real and liberal parents just push their kids into it with poor toy choices… LOGIC!

    • I’m saying that we enforce such strict binaries on children in terms of gender (which is actually a hierarchy.) and because of that, and even what has been ingrained in our own psyches we start falsely correlating gender and sex. Kids are pushed to into this line of thinking that if they like too much of what is stereo typically characterized as a behavior or interest of the other sex then they must BE the opposite sex. This line of thinking and parenting is abusive. This isn’t about being pressured as much as it is about being massively misinformed.

      P.s. that’s not the logic I’m using in regards to your post script.

  2. Just because you might not be trans you are assuming trans people don’t really exist! My conservative Christian parents and my small conservative town I grew up in definitely didn’t pressure me to be trans and to suggest we are pressured to be is outrageous! I feel sorry for you that you grew up in such a closed minded environment! To be honest I think you are closeted, I think what you are saying comes from self hate and I wish the best for you!

    • ” To be honest I think you are closeted, I think what you are saying comes from self hate and I wish the best for you!”

      You think I’m closeted what? Trans? Thanks for your concern, but no. I simply think that gender non-conforming kids are met with questions like ‘Do you want to be a girl/boy?” and thus not letting them grow to full human potential in this world of either/or. That fucks with people.

      • I’m not lying and fronting for child abusers! Allowing a child to be themselves isn’t child abuse! Open up your mind and realize the world doesn’t think like you! People can have different opinions without lying!

    • Are you seriously arguing that you’re the one “allowing a child to be themselves”? If so, you have deluded yourself. Putting a child in a gender box instead of letting them do whatever they want is NOT “allowing a child to be themselves.” Wake up!

      • Listen to me and open you mind! I’m saying if a kid goes up to their parents and expresses their gender identity the parents should allow the kid to explore it… This is way before hormones or surgery ect… If the kid really is only going through a phase than the kid will say so, no harm done. But if this is who a kid really is, than the parent just allowed their kid to have a happier childhood!

      • I’m no going to waste time on a piece of shit idiot like you! I tried but you are too transphobic to get it! Children should be allowed to explore the gender identity they feel most fit! I feel sorry for any children you may have as you tell them to not explore their identity! I hope your area has progressive social workers so they can be recused from backwards fuckheads like you! Do not reply to this as I have no interest in talking to a hateful prick who thinks allowing children to be outside the gender box is child abuse!

    • “I’m no going to waste time on a piece of shit idiot like you!”
      I’m not the one who wants to traumatize children by imposing gender on them.

      “I tried but you are too transphobic to get it!”
      Being in favour of children’s freedom is not “transphobic.” Get over yourself.

      • You say you are in support of Children’s freedom yet you want to tell trans children that they are not allowed to explore their gender identity! You get over yourself!

    • “you want to tell trans children that they are not allowed to explore their gender identity!”

      There is no such thing as “trans children”! STOP PUTTING GENDER CHAINS ON CHILDREN’S BACKS. How many times do I have to repeat it until it digs into your thick bigoted skull? Damn child abuser!

      • Fuck you asshole! So what would you do if your child goes up to you and says “I think I’m a girl/boy”? I really would like to know why you feel so strongly about this that you will call me a child abuser! I didn’t realize letting kids be FREE to explore themselves was child abuse! I’d hate to live in your fantasy world where kids our not allowed to be themselves because I remember not being allowed to be myself! I remember waking up day after day hoping I would magically change in my sleep! Getting dreams of me as a cis female! I remember trying to tell my parents and getting told that I am a boy because of the way I was born and that I have to live as one because God made me that way! If I was allowed to transition younger I would have had a lot happier life growing up, instead I grew up feeling wrong and confused! Why don’t you think about that before calling me a child abuser because you know what I was not allowed to explore my identity… That is real child abuse! So don’t you dare call me a child abuser for not wanting kids to go through I did! I wish I saw a child psychologist and was allowed to transition! I cry at night thinking about my lost childhood because i didn’t enjoy growing up the way I was forced too!

  3. Hey, a lot of this comment resonated with me, I grew up male, effeminate, bisexual, and Catholic, we share a lot of the same experiences of oppression. It seems you’re forgetting about all the people who transition and partner with the same gender/opposite sex. I’m a trans woman who’s with a female partner, and I know a ton of trans men with male partners. I think you’re misunderstanding why we transition if you think we all do it to normalize homosexuality.

    • Thanks for commenting. I’m aware that trans women often are attracted to females and the same for trans men. I find this problematic as well because it’s essentially, and at it’s core, a heterosexual relationship doubling as a homosexual one.

      • Thanks for commenting back. At its core, mine’s a loving relationship between two people, what’s troubling about that? Our relationship isn’t exactly like a homosexual one, nor is it anything like a heterosexual one. Why should I apply terms that do not fit us when we can just be two queer women in love?

  4. Thanks for writing this. It means a lot to me. I am female, when I was a child I used to like doing things that were considered ‘boy’ things. I was told I must be a ‘tom-boy’ (code for lesbian) and my mom freaked. It was nothing really, just liked jumping off high things and mud. I grew up straight. I wish we could just leave kids alone to experience growing and learning about different things without giving them our hang-ups and our homophobia.

  5. *sighs* I’ve had this conversation too many times o count. Dunno why I call it a conversation anymore those determined to dismiss trans realities always ignore it anyway. Makes you despair it really does. I don’t do gender roles, never have , never will. I’m extremely sorry what happened to you happened, but that is whyat happens because of homophobic parents, a class of human who should be treated as abusive as racist or sexist ones as far as I’m concerned. It has absolutely nothing to do with trans people or trans politics. It’s tragic that any parent would be stupid enough to try to encourage a child to transition rather than accept their sexuality.

  6. Also the drugs the children have to take in order to correct their gender nonconforminity can have devastating consequences for their health. Take Lupron for example. It just takes a few seconds to google it and see what people say who had to take it. But trans activists say they are “save and reversible”. Bullshit! No one with common sense would believe these lies.

  7. Coming at this from the other side (as a parent of a gender non-conforming son) I’m inclined to agree. My sons interest in tea parties, dolls, plastic ponies, pink and “girl” cartoons has never been something we correlate to gender/biological sex. Asking bizzare identity questions has never been on the agenda – he’s a boy, a very happy one who just happens to have a love of a colour and objects deemed feminine. What that means later down the road will be met with respect and support whatever the outcome, but it will not be influenced or subverted by me for him to fit traditional gender norms.

    That being said, there’s also an undercurrent of thought that firmly believes that parents cause gender non-conformity (a mother who wanted a daughter but had a son and vice-versa) which could possibly be true for some small percentage of the population, I have no idea, but it isn’t the case here. I have a daughter and another son who both fit the traditional scope of gender norms.

  8. That’s an interesting point. Sometimes I see people claim that Iran is accepting of transsexuals, but nope. Most of those people aren’t transsexuals; they are homosexuals and gender non-conforming people who have been surgically mutilated so that they would conform. Because Iran’s gender roles are more restrictive than the ones in most of the US.

    Unfortunately the phenomenon of trans children is becoming more common in the US and I think it’s child abuse:

    The old way of parenting was, “Son, don’t play with that because it’s a girl toy”. Now it’s, “Son, you like those girl’s toys? Well, that means you’re not really a boy! You’re actually genderqueer or a girl.” How is that (and the other way around) okay? It’s still parents putting their hang-ups of gender on their children, except with more post-modernist mind-screw talk. There was a case a while ago where a 3-year-old girl’s parents convinced the school to let her use the boy’s restroom because she was trans. Really? A young child doesn’t have the capacity to understand gender (and unfortunately a lot of dumbass adults don’t either). A 3 year old girl saying she’s a boy doesn’t mean she’s trans. As a child, I used to claim I was whoever my favorite fictional character was. Didn’t make it true and it didn’t mean my parents should have given me drugs and cosmetic surgery so I would look like my favorite characters.

    Speaking of those drugs, Lily is right. Those drugs are very harmful and the company that makes Lupron doesn’t know if it is reversible. Giving your kids unsafe drugs for being gender nonconforming is medical abuse and child abuse.

    When I was a kid, I got a lot of typical “girl” toys like dolls, and my brother got a lot of typical “boy” toys. However, my parents didn’t flip out if we played with each’s others toys or broke out of our gender roles nor did they want to give us drugs for that. Maybe parents should just let their children have their hobbies and activities even if they are considered to be for the opposite sex.

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